Tag Archives: parent

You know you’re a new mum when …

  • It’s a Saturday night, you have vomit in your hair and it’s not your own
  • Burps and farts are considered a great achievement
  • You fondly remember the days when leaving the house was a simple procedure
  • Clothes are chosen for their ability to conceal your stomach whilst allowing speedy access to your breasts
  • You find yourself customising songs to apply to the baby – Let me take you to the (baby) cafe by Electric Six anyone?
  • Your husband overhears you on the baby monitor saying ‘show your bummy to the mummy’
  • When ‘titty time’ is not for your husband / boyfriend / lover any more
  • You find yourself giving updates on the state of your vagina to people you’ve only recently met
  • You can’t envisage being able to ‘nip’ anywhere again
  • When Lansinoh and Infacol are your most precious possessions
  • When your getting ready routine is reduced to two things – being clean and wearing clothes
  • When stacking the dishwasher and replying to a text take all day
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