You know you’re a new mum…part 2

I know I’m not such a new mum any more, but I’ve been far too busy / scatty to update this for a while and wanted to get some more down before I forget what it’s been like. The time passes so quickly yet so slowly. I can’t picture my son as a newborn in a Moses basket any more and nearly cried when I found one of his tiny little cardigans in the cupboard under the stairs, yet I feel like I’ve had him forever. Anyhow, you may or may not recognise some of these points;

  • Your husband / boyfriend tells you he hasn’t gone this long without sex in his entire life before (apart from before he lost his virginity)
  • When song lyrics start to become about your baby, instead of your husband / boyfriend / crush
  • When you spend more time with the cast of the Real Housewives of Orange County and Two and a Half Men than actual real adults.
  • When your trip out is delayed by a member of your party vomiting or leaking yellow poo on their clothes.
  • When you’ll regularly use words like ‘perinium’, ‘tearing’, and ‘destroyed’ to people you don’t know very well.
  • When you snigger internally at pregnant friends who mention their plans to breathe through the pain
  • When you get to know other mums as ‘X’s mum’ instead of by their own name
  • When you’re convinced that either (a) breast milk doesn’t smell or (b) you’ve got so used to it that you’re unaware that you and your house smell like an explosion in a dairy on a hot day
  • When you realise that eating hot food at the same time as your husband / boyfriend / partner is now a distant memory, as is chewing said food
  • When you bought belly warmers (huge pants) to wear in hospital but are still wearing them as they’re so comfy and cover your stomach
  • When you don’t believe in using dummies or infacol until the third consecutive evening of incessant crying
  • When you have acne for the first time in decades (just me?)
  • When you have mastered breastfeeding while texting / typing / reading / eating / playing Cupcake Mania
  • You have notes on your phone under ‘blog’ such as ‘birth nightie’ and it takes you several days to work out what they mean.  This note was about a shopping trip to Primark that I had taken while pregnant in order to buy a nightie to give birth in that would allow me to unbutton immediately after for skin to skin contact.  (In reality, the nightie didn’t make it out of the bag pre-birth).  I was with my husband, Freddy, looking at nightshirts and saying to him that I thought this particular one was too short and would flash my foof if I bent forward.  A lady with a small baby gave me a knowing glance and said ‘You won’t care what anyone sees by then’.  At the time I really could not imagine a scenario in which I wouldn’t care what I looked like and whether strangers saw my vagina.  Oh, they were optimistic times back then.




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