You know you’re a new mum when …

  • It’s a Saturday night, you have vomit in your hair and it’s not your own
  • Burps and farts are considered a great achievement
  • You fondly remember the days when leaving the house was a simple procedure
  • Clothes are chosen for their ability to conceal your stomach whilst allowing speedy access to your breasts
  • You find yourself customising songs to apply to the baby – Let me take you to the (baby) cafe by Electric Six anyone?
  • Your husband overhears you on the baby monitor saying ‘show your bummy to the mummy’
  • When ‘titty time’ is not for your husband / boyfriend / lover any more
  • You find yourself giving updates on the state of your vagina to people you’ve only recently met
  • You can’t envisage being able to ‘nip’ anywhere again
  • When Lansinoh and Infacol are your most precious possessions
  • When your getting ready routine is reduced to two things – being clean and wearing clothes
  • When stacking the dishwasher and replying to a text take all day
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2 thoughts on “You know you’re a new mum when …”

  1. All so very true. My little one is now three and it’s still an effort getting out of the house. And the conversations are now fussy eating, toilet training and poo related. Glamorous being a mummy huh!

    1. Too right! I didn’t anticipate the amount of poo talk that would be involved, or the amount of actual poo and other bodily fluids that would be involved! Not to mention the logistics of getting out of the house, having a shower, eating hot food – you know, the simple things that we took completely for granted BB (before baby).

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